Vblog-Ranting.
Nothing much... just feeling extremely down in the middle of the night.. Judgmental people all around.. And am i really that of a freak loving colours on my hair. And spending $9 on hair dye twice to once a month that excessive? Just cause it makes me happy. Is it wrong to be happy?
Hello once again my diary
Well due to some circumstances, i read thru every single old posts reminiscing the past.. How time flies since Rislin was conceived,being pregnant with her and giving birth. Every single memory is somehow filed back into my memory slot. Im so glad i wrote down these memories. Due to my treatment few months back, i having been losing alot of memories, past and present memories included.
Im also half regretful for not further blogging much after #3 as i honestly dont remember much now.. I can only refer back to photos and try to remember as much as i could. Also, i realized that one of the "side effects" of the treatment was, whatever i felt like conveying in my mind. when its being typed out, i would miss a letter. Not sure why it would happen. Perhaps I would need to bring it up to my doctor at my next appointment. Since the last time i blogged alot of things had happened.. The dog that i first had (prince) is well.. old now..(duh) and has since gotten seizure. It has been a huge turmoil for me being worried over him, arranging care taking for him etc.Finally, after a large amount of medications trial( im keeping my fingers crossed) , he is in a stable condition now. After this new "blend" of medications, he no longer has seizures.
Along the way, all these years, the kids also grew up extremely fast. Faster than i could imagine. I also realized how much i miss the newborn times ha... I am also thankful that they grow up healthy and well. Parenting also pushes me to the limit more than i know. There are alot of times i keep saying please dont do this please dont do that. But they dont listen. Also, not as if i can go "pak" talk to my hands suddenly in public right. So it has been really testing me quite alot. And I do admit i lose it a few times. But im trying my best to be their perfect mum for them, also im trying to strike a balance or blend on what is the best way to handle such situation. And i know i will never be the perfect mum, but i will not give up and keep trying. Alot of nights i would lie in bed and wonder , ponder, the times where talking doesnt work, even threatening or beating doesnt work.. what is next. Is really physical violence the only way out at a asian culture? I dont know seriously.. and i tend to avoid such alot alot alot unless its really necessary...
I really wish i could post their photos up like any other parents ,but im too paranoid to put them into risk especially with alot of shady characters around. I guess i would rather err on the side of caution. But a good news is i can upload "censored" photos.. well i guess better than nothing right :p
This lil boy is my 4th child , Linis. How time flies yea? Hes 2 to be soon in a few days.. Trying to get him his perfect cake. I guess i will update his birthday cake soon! Sorry for the random rambles.
Today is the day I stand out and share my story..
Please go
ahead and share this story around. The world needs to know that bullying
is a serious issue that causes depression and even parents losing their
child towards it. Any form of bullying should not be taken lightly
especially from a authoritative figure. A child can never "beef up" from
it nor benefit from it. Not all bullies will back away from after a
fight. In fact it only make things worst.
I was a little girl who
was naive and strong willed. I was not willing to be bullied especially
after changing my primary school. I used to study in a all girls
primary school and i was well loved by my friends with remarks like she
is too talkative etc. At my 2nd primary school i couldnt fit in as a new
girl in class and after a few months or a year i had 1 or 2 good
friends and a best friend name wilson who was always there for me
encouraging me which i was very grateful for.
Even though we
separated class, we talked and met at recess often.and there was a
another school transfer friends thus i managed to have 1 or 2 friend.But
it doesnt make much of a difference as i was still a target for
bullies, to join their clique i have to endure their pinching and
slapping without telling teacher which i refuses to ! I dont see why i
must put up with the abuse just because of god knows why the leader of
the clique dislikes me.It doesn't help either than I am a ugly duckling
throughout my schooling life.(Few years later she apologized to me when
she added me at friendster)
As a new student in the class
initially they also throw my stuff in trash, i would have things missing
etc. It wasn't very pleasant but i could put up with it. And when it
comes to partner. Im always the remainder without a partner, whoever who
partner me would moan and be disgusted with me. I was very strong and
had no depression at that time so i could not be bothered and i am fine
being alone but i thought that maybe its because im too strong willed ,
so people are deterred from me. When the time comes to go secondary, i
chose to go normal academic to a all girls school, st theresa convent,
instead of express at a mix school because i had a great time at kellock
and the teachers were very nice plus caring. So naively i thought it
would be around the same as i could meet up with old friends whom i kept
in contact there. I would also start a new being quiet just to finish
my studies and do my best!
But i was wrong. It was only a start of a nightmare.
Initially when i entered the school, i was thrilled to be "back" with
my old friends at kellock. I also kept myself quiet in class so that i
could get friends at that age. As I thought the issue was that I was too
strong intimidating them. I dont know how or what started it. But the
girls have their own cliques again, and im left alone. The bullying
start. The emotional pressure, the spiteful words that came from their
mouth. Being ostracized from every single event, group, and even
partner. I was always alone for recess , people looking at me like a
alien during recess was another factor of hurt.
I didnt felt all these before maybe because i wasnt so conscious as i wanted to start anew and i had at least 2 close friends.
When i couldnt go to school, i dont even have a single person to ask
homework from. And being scolded by teachers not doing home work while
on MC. I still deeply remembered a teacher asking me, dont you have
anyone to ask homework from while I could only lower my head and shake. I
couldnt even look into her eyes, because i felt so hurt. It also
doesn't help that i was a sickly child. My MC rate was very frequent.
And my form teacher(Mrs Chan) , instead of encouraging me, she poured
cold water on me. I do not remember when i was referred to a counselor.
But i can honestly say that it doesnt help at all because the help
should come from the teachers, who didnt bat a eyelid even when they
know of my circumstances of being ostracized at class. And instead of
helping me to get the classmates to accept me, she had to say mean
things in front of them , indirectly giving them a "go ahead" to be mean
to me.And as she disliked me (i could feel it), she sided with them
alot indirectly. It was also a norm for people to moan being partner
with me or in their group.
I was seen as a problematic child in class.
I had mean words coming from classmates daily especially from a few
girls, one of which who told me "wow you are finally in school today", I
even had my items thrown away, missing items and all of which i
suffered in silence.i still deeply remembered i was throw in the main
bullying girl group. She asked me to prepared the materials for her but
she did not use it in the end of the presentation and even back stabbed
me by telling teacher i did not do anything when she did not inform me
anything else at all. I almost burst crying because i did my part like a
dog of what she wanted i give but end up she wanted to affect my marks .
At school only a literature teacher could tell im genuine ill from my
face colour. If i remember correctly her name was Mrs Valerie Koh who
teaches me Literature. I really appreciate her encouraging words like
"your face colour is much healthier today, glad to see you ". She was
the only "support" i had in my entire schooling years in St Theresa as
well as a home econs teacher.
I know my frequent sickness was a
issue but i didnt have a choice not to be sick. My body was weak despite
only having minor thelassemia which Ms Chan compared me to a Major
Thelassemia girl who is able to make it to school frequently despite
needing blood transfer. That comparison doesn't help at all since its
not up to me to decide if i feel well or not and not to mention i was a
sickly child since infant.And even now at 26, i sometimes have trouble
bringing my child to school as i get sick or unwell in the morning.
Things have not changed for me.
I am now a mum of 4, i can safely
say that none of my years in school i have taken mc for the sake of
being lazy not coming in school and i was genuinely sick. Although i do
not deny that the later part i take more MCS due to the bullying by the
classmates as i was dreading/afraid to go school. If even my own form
teacher, much less other teachers, dont respect me, how do my classmates
take me a as human being of equal standing respect me? I had those
bullies, came and apologized to me years after seeing me, saying that
nothing was wrong with me, they did it for fun.
But that fun
ruined my education, my self esteem and even having depression due to
it. I often mutilate myself and wear jacket the whole time even when
sweating so i wouldnt cause any alarm. As thats how i release the pain i
felt at school.
I believe that at that time, there was much much
more that the teachers/principal that could do about it. I still
remember deeply, Ms Chan saying that i should look into myself and see
what is the issue with me that they bully me. The teachers were well
aware of my circumstances. Im much older now and i dont see anything
wrong with me when the bullies would take initiative to apologize to me.
I also remember that i wanted to transfer school but the principal told
me, how can you assure that it wont happen in another school? I did not
transfer in the end as the other school had no vacancy.
But
instead of speaking like this, i believe the principal can take another
step further in assisting the me the student to be accepted in their
class/school even if the student wants to transfer. It is bad enough
that the student does not have the support of the form teacher, but also
the principal who did not look into it further on why is there such
bullying happening that is so "serious" to the point the child feels
vulnerable in the school.
Sad to say that i really feel that the
school system needs much improvement for students support. I believe
that no ladies should go through what i went through. And this
circumstances happening to anyone is preventable as well as its able to
be helped. I have also emailed the school my story as i hope this could
bring about changes in this school system.
But instead i was
brushed off with no reply for around half a month or more till i forward
them the email again. I was hesistant in emailing as i wanted to move
on and felt that there should be changes made to prevent others from
going through what i went thru. Unfortunely stc doesnt seem to feel the
same. First reply i got was it was forwarded to their management and
they will contact me for more enquiries. I thought that maybe they will
carry out more investigations to see what is going on and how it could
be prevented. But instead it seems that this is "another email", as
close to 3 months later i asked for a reply. I was given a answer that
they have not corresponded with me as they have understood what you have
shared in your email and hence did not sought further clarifications
from you.
So, i asked them if it would it be too much to ask for
if i could be updated on what is done? This may be a old case but it is
definitely something that has impacted my life. I really hope something
is done on the school part that is just brushed aside as ok noted. They
further replied that the school has processes in place for the
management of such cases. There are also different channels for the
students to communicate their concerns. There was no such channel at all
in my case and the teachers also sadly had a part in it. That was also
my last email with them since they also didnt think that its a big
issue.
And not all those who are bullied are weak. I did stand up
for myself and probably made everything worst.neither am i a strawberry
who cant take setbacks. But imagine you yourself or your child at only
10 or 11 years old, faced such issue till 15 of almost whole class and
at the end even teacher joined in.. would you be able to hold on strong
till the end? At a age where growing up , dealing with hormones as well
as feelings and self acceptance is very important.
I am slowly
walking out of the shadow but i have alot of emotional issues and severe
depression as diagnosed to tackle from the prolong emotional hurt i
went through.
I felt that it is my duty to share out my story so
others that are going through will know that they are not alone in it
and they need further help from a authoritative figure to tackle this
issue. The case of the Munich mall killer is also the biggest push
factor for me to share as I strongly believed if he isn't pushed to
hatred as a child. Hatred wouldn't exist in his heart.
By sharing my story , you are able to help those circumstance that are like me as they could still have a future.
Help stand up for those in need of help being bullied instead of being a
bystander will impact their lives alot. They will be grateful and
thankful. They are no different from you and me, we need love as well as
support in our life.
I have also opened a group which I felt
that Singapore was lacking a bullying/ depression support group.. feel
free to join and post your worries etc..
https://www.facebook.com/linda.ho.792/posts/10157457864925055
So.. I just brought a wailing child which was crowded by a huge
crowd who is just seeing what is happening to the customer service
center . What happened next , is what shocked me. The parents went
looking for her with 2 other child and the mum was worried as heck.
(Understandable)
Upon bringing back their child. The father
reached out to give a big tight loud smack across the older daughter
face who look around 10 to 12. Poor girl face was swollen and red . To
be brutally
honest it was the fault of
the parents and the man vented his anger on the child. He as a father
couldn't keep his child safe. What's more a child more than half his
age?
Then we later learnt
the story from the mum that she wandered away and was 6-8 stores at
least away from where they were.if anyone is at fault. It's the parents
issue not a child less than half ur age and I can never understand such
logic...
Note that I empathise with the woman and do not blame
the lady at all with lost child,she probably is too busy with a infant
that she's carrying in a carrier. But i do not approve the actions of
the father at all.
Batam driver
Please take caution in engaging this batam driver john. He has. 2 son and allows his 15yr old to tag with another driver to bring you around. I was not informed his son was so young so imagine my shock when I went there and saw his son. His son does not know anything and 98% of stuff say dont know. I even asked him for ambulance number just in case. He also dont know tell me use google!
For the lunch he just placed us at the bak kut teh there. We dont even know malay and they dont know english. We had issues ordering our lunch.
Since the first time I saw him I told him I need data card I need tailor. I want to do manicure and see batik. None is done. I also wanted to bring my kids to the indoor theme park he also has no idea where it is and just placed us there at another shopping centre. We cant even communicate with the staffs. After putting us down I asked him to sms me as I dont have his number. He whatsapp me instead and I have to call his dad as I dont have his number. He even told me I thought u bought ur data card.We only bought a pair of shoes for our kids and left with frustration to the hotel.
After resting we were brought to another tourist attraction spot at golden prawn. Which I specifically told him I want a cheaper seafood place. Intially he even wanted to bolt off after letting us there. I asked them to stay and eat together as well as helping us with order. I even asked him what shud I order etc. And ask .. He just said to ask the staff.. Setting me back closw to 200sgd. A batam driver cum friend was shocked at my receipt as he brought 10ppl to other places only cost $160max. And eat till full full.
We asked him if theres any night activities he jus said not much. And kept quiet . And we went back hotel. My time is wasted with not letting my kids play with the theme park and no data card bought. No manicure or tailor done.and payment is exactly the same with no discount.
So for the next day I insisted on his dad john to bring us around. It was a slightly better experience. Since it was cny 1st day. Alot of shops were closed. And thanks to his son wasting my time yesterday when most shops were open. We only managed to get the data card in the morning. We went to temple. And after temple I was hungry but he persuaded me to go for kueh lapis and batik first. We only bought a few items due to the variety. We wanted to go others but he claimed was closed. Ok so we were so hungry..
Then we finally went for lunch quite late.after that we went for our theme park which he knows where it is.. Why didnt his son call and ask his dad yesterday??!!
After that we tried to see if bcs and nagoya is open but nope cause its chinese new year first day when I could have covered it on the 7feb!! Ok so till now I have no manicure as alot are closed leaving those pricing even higher than sg no tailor and no batik dress for myself. He keep discouraging me to go some places as its quite far. He is also very pushy on us going for massage.
Which im already frustrated I couldnt get anything and so I went for it. At that point I only have 3kids batik clothes 4small bag. And 4small box of kueh lapis. And 3sets of kids shoes (as I have alot of kids)
We later on wanna go to the r place for seafood. He said he think is close so I wanted to go to wey wey instead. he asked me wan small or big crabs. I said big as the ones yesterday was tiny. He did not keep me informed on prices etc. Which he should. I mean I know nuts about the pricing.. Everything u helping with order. So end up with a $250bill.he even sarcastically say so yesterday there cheaper right.. Wtf sir?
After that we went back to hotel. And since I engaged him he promised to fetch us from hotel to ferry. But he later on said I see if I have the time to and keep encouraging us to take taxi on our own . And said he see if he has time to fetch us. If not sorry we ownself.cab go. Being in a Foreign island as a family with 4kids who dont know malay and the people there dont know english. Only a selected few chinese know chinese. How would you feel? I didnt even want to argue with him so I didnt contact him further.
Thankgod my friend came to fetch me to ferry foc. This sums up my experience. He is only good if you force them to do what you want to do. And if you are very experienced. I know nuts and got pushed all over the place. Thankgod I went carrefour on my own before i.came home else I would really come back with less than 10-15items
They have several number. U can pm me if you want one of the number
Here is some of the info i found
Posted by one of his "clients"
Services Provided 1. Booking of hotel 2. Booking massage or Spa (traditional) 3. Seafood restaurant 4. The shopping center (fresh market) 5. Factory Outlet (polo shirt) 6. Layer cake 7. Snacks, fish snacks 8. Barelang bridges, etc MPV up to 6 pax if more than that, mini bus will be provided. Name: John (can speak Chinese and English) http://888batamtravel.blogspot.sg/ +62811698846 (whatsapp) Rates are as follows: $15/day/pax - Adult $10/pax - Children Free - Infants PM for more details or any enquiries, I am a singaporean and recently used his service. Great service i would say! Hence, am helping him to promote. :) There is no deposit collected and the full amount can be paid to the driver after his service. Hence, pls do not do any last minute cancellation on the day itself. There may not be any loss for you but to the driver, he didnt accept other customers cause you booked his service. Pls understand. Thanks!
Note: I paid $60sgd. Infant/ children is not free in this case. Or i got chopped by him again.
23Jan Post
Im still shaking from anger as I post this. It was around. Close to 9pm when two boys approach me. One chinese boy around p4 look and another malay boy around p3 look.
They approached me asking for time. Which I told them and they told me that their parents wont be able to fetch them till 6am. I was thinking if I should call the police as they will be alone and they will need help. I shaked it off thinking that maybe their parents ask them stay at home but they came out a while and will head home soon while the parents working. Then shortly, they asked me for money to buy drinks.
Bells were ringing off at that time. I decided to call for police to make sure that they are sent home with a adult taking care of them. I stopped them with telling them the intention of getting help for them with the police.where if they really need help throughout the night. Help would be given.
They gave reasons to let them go like they will get into trouble and their mum will kanna. We told them that nothing will happen and asked why so. He said his mum does something bad. I asked him why? He said that she takes drug. We assured them that police is coming and theres nothing to fear. They will get the help they need esp when their parents will only be able to bring them at 6am.They later on tried to bolt away.
I held one of them in fear they would run before the police comes as he was squirming away. So he pushed me away and tried to run off but I pin him against the wall to make sure he cant run.i then later released the grip and we surround them .
Not long the police arrives and we gave them all the information they need. We also overhead that one of them told the police that he stay at bukit merah and took bus here to ang mo kio.The shop keeper who witness it told us that they are here everyday and beg for money daily. And he told one of the boys that he know he has police case he knows.(im not too sure about this)
Why am I angry? They are so young at this age and they are alone outside without any adults so far away. Anything can happen and their parents wont know as they dont have phone on them.They are not at the stage of hopeless at this stage and I hope that they can be guided back to the right path.and they can get the help they needed at this point of time.
This case totally breaks my heart and yet frustrates me.
I hope that those parents who let their kids out somewhere far please always have knowledge of where they are ... Kid we only have one.. They can be cloned but personality cannot be cloned and they cannot be replaced.
Please treasure and love these gems...
Breastmilk to bless
My chest freezer now...
Breastmilk for donation..
i have over 50-80 or more pkts to bless as my chest freezer is full to the brim and i cant store anymore.. does someone need it? I already doing daily bm bath but i have so many and dont wanna waste..
Blessing milk from August/September transferred from normal freezer to chest freezer. By right should last about 3 months but because I transferred should last longer. I also thawed July ones and they smell fine. Smell before fe
eding.
Non smoker and don't take alcohol but eat everything. Bring your own icebox. At least 30 packets. Bring your own cooler, collection in Punggol.
would appreciate milkbags (double lock and above only) or M size pampers in return but if your child needs it, its fine, just take the milk!
My baby is 4mos on 15 Nov, so the milk expressed is around him 1-2mth+
Email me at my-helpdesk@hotmail.com if you need it :)